The past few weeks we have been looking at failure and forgiveness. You can catch up on the previous posts in this series here: How Much Does it Cost?, Failure and Forgiveness, The Forgiveness Factor of Forgiving Yourself.
Today we are going to take a look at probably the most difficult piece of forgiveness: forgiving others. It’s a touchy subject because we are so often wounded by others. Sometimes it’s intentional, sometimes it’s because there are woundings in others that are not yet touched by God’s power and healing. Typically, wounded people wound others, and the cycle continues. There is plenty of hurt in this fallen world to go around.
I don’t begin to have all the answers on this, but there are a few things I know. The bottom line is that God never suggested that we forgive each other. He commanded it.
Matthew 18 doesn’t leave much room for interpretation. Jesus tells Peter that we are to forgive those who offend us, “Seventy times seven.” He then shares a parable about a servant who begs for mercy over a large debt and is granted it, but then turns around and refuses to forgive the small debt owed to him. (Matthew 18:21-35)
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? How often are we quick to beg forgiveness, yet hesitate, or outright refuse to offer it?
Unforgiveness toward someone who has wronged you is like being locked in a jail cell. You may think that the offense of the person is what put you there, but the truth is that you walked in with your choice to not forgive them. You might be uncomfortable in there. You may be hurting. You may be angry. The fact of the matter is, however, that you are the one that holds the key to the cell you are in. Forgiveness is that key. Forgiveness will unlock your prison. Forgiveness frees you to be forgiven.
Choosing to forgive, in a sense, also gives God permission to heal you of the pain and hurt caused by the offense. He wants to heal you. He wants to bring restoration and reconciliation, but as long as we choose to hold onto the offense, He won’t.
Back to the parable in Matthew 18, Jesus tells of the repercussions of the servant’s unforgiveness toward the one who owed him little. He continues the story with,
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. ”This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:32-35)
We often think of forgiveness being a horizontal exchange between us and others, but forgiveness is actually a vertical exchange between us and God. Our unforgiveness rarely has any impact at all on the ones who offend us. They are often clueless and sometimes long gone. They may never ask for forgiveness. Unforgiveness has a direct impact on us, however. We are the ones who suffer when we hold on to offenses. We block forgiveness from being extended to us.
Rather than the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18, we should strive to be like the sinful woman in Luke 7 who poured out the expensive perfume on Jesus’ feet, wiping them with her tears. Her sin did not bother Jesus, but it certainly bothered the Pharisee He was with.
Jesus told another parable about one man who owed little and another who owed great. Both needed their debts forgiven, and both were. Of the two of them, the one who had the greater debt cancelled is the one who loved more. (Luke 7:36-50)
We have all sinned. We have all fallen short. We all are in desperate need of forgiveness. We have all been forgiven much already. We cannot afford not to forgive others. It’s nonnegotiable.
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37
If you are imprisoned, use the key you already possess. Forgive. Be free.
